It’s been several weeks since I’ve been able to publish a blog. Not because I haven’t been writing – but because getting back into a functioning groove where I can write, re-write, and then publish has been so much harder this time.
Three weeks ago, I started a new gig in a newly promoted role on a show I’ve never worked on before, but for a company I worked with several years ago. The experience of working on this show is both new and exciting, and also comfortably familiar. I love the team, I love the office. I can always do without the commute. As with all jobs, I miss tucking my babies in at night but this is my sacrifice and I make sure to enjoy it when I can on the weekend - At least there's FaceTime and I can see them and give them virtual snuggles.
So I’m back at work! And while I love and prefer being a working mom, I can feel the space in my mind shrinking to make room for all of the other shit I have to hold space in my mind for. As a result, the stories I’ve wanted to tell on this blog have been pushed to a side that I haven’t been able to access as voraciously or as frequently.
But beyond this, here’s some real talk truth about why I keep bumping on publishing a new blog:
The simple act of writing this blog is a pretty white privileged suburban mom thing to do. I’ve got it easy AF. Sure, the act of raising young children is certainly tiring and stressful at times, and being a working mom is also tiring and stressful. And I may not get to do all the things I want or need to do in any kind of satisfying or timely way. But it’s time I spoke my truth about something that up until now I’ve been cautious of admitting on this platform.
And here’s where this blog is going to take a decidedly political turn:
Growing up I believed it was impolite to talk about politics or religion in a public, mixed company way. I would respect other’s points of view when it came to this, and most times decline to challenge them particularly if their views did not align with mine.
And then a reality TV star ran for president. And I started saying, "Fuck it," to talking about politics on social media, or in my personal life. Because if he can talk openly about sexually assaulting women and still become president, then I should be able to talk about politics on my blog and not lose friends or readers as a result. Seems kind of lopsided actually when we break down, "This week in offensive things!"
Trust when I say I was trying to avoid it. But each time I sat down to write a new story, and found a topic, and started crafting...something else would happen in the world that almost slapped me in the face as if to say DON'T PUBLISH THAT BLOG, BITCH!
This week was certainly no exception. A well-intentioned acquaintance posted one of those horrifying pictures of a group of Syrian children who were poisoned by the chemical gas attack on Tuesday. I wasn’t expecting it as I scrolled through my FB feed and yet there it was, sandwiched between a picture of some friends in a poppy field, and a post from another friend hawking her real estate skills.
At first, I felt assaulted and almost insisted that the original picture be at least hidden in the comments. For days, I couldn’t un-see it. (If you are so inclined and have not seen these picture you can reference it here: But be warned, it is extremely graphic.)
Navigating the emotions that accompany an image like this, when I have two young boys sleeping peacefully in the next room was tricky. I was so struck by the horror of what is happening, that to turn around and write a blog about “OMFG I have no time to do laundry, ya’ll!” felt disingenuous and inauthentic.
If you know me in real life, then odds are you’ll know that I am liberal and progressive in my political point of view.
The day I turned 18, I registered to vote. I have voted in every single primary and midterm election since I could. But, admittedly understanding the nuances of what happens within the details of our political system was not my forte. I would vote Democrat down a ticket if I didn’t know anything about a candidate, or issue for example. But since the 2016 election, I have become a sponge of any and everything I can about what the actual fuck is going on in our world right now. And I’ve simultaneously become very involved on the local level working with a group that focuses on activism for families with children.
The past several months have often felt like a rapid-fire series of shocking political events both positive and negative that make me question my thinking in wanting to write about things like “OHMYGOD ya'll. When is this laundry going to end!?” Each "working mom life" topic would become the ultimate showdown in the game show in my mind of "How Privileged Am I!?"
Of course, there is a time and place for that kind of blog. And I am often first in line for the escape of being able to read something that DOESN’T talk about politics. Especially these days. But, not this time. Sorry, not sorry.
Admittedly I'm not actually writing about politics other than to say that sometimes, I might. Sort of a State-of-the-blog. A kind of "coming out" so that I can force myself out of this cycle of self-judgment that's limited my ability to fully embrace the joy that is writing this blog again.
So while there are actual physical challenges in schedule inhibiting me to write as of late (work, husband, children, ya know. #Lyfe!) There are also mental challenges. Guilt. Shame. A need to reference the fact that we are living in interesting times. And if I am truly going to promote this blog as a place for my mind vomit about things I want to give fucks about, then ya’ll, sometimes I’m gonna give a fuck about politics.
So consider me back in the blog saddle! With topics unknown, but a willingness to embrace the journey and a hope that the children really are our future. And to aspire to not always write about political topics but also not never write about them. And a wish for more appropriate clichés. And to stop using double negatives. And a longing for SIMPLE, less intensely dramatic times where I can feel uninhibited to write about things like, "Ugh. How come spaghetti stains never fully come out?! AmIRight?"